Hello Dr. Ivanov. I've been a member of the alldisabled site
for a little while now and I've read a lot of the suggestions you've given people,
so I'm hoping you can help me. You see, I'm a bit different than most other people
who've wrote to you. I've been in a wheelchair since 2000 due to a spinal chord
injury. I'm 29 years old and I live with my parents because I'm not yet able to
live on my own. I cannot drive, so I have to rely on other people (usually my parents)
to take me places. I was wondering how someone like me could find a mate. Over the years,
I've found that women seem to be a bit prejudice against guys in wheelchairs; most of
them try to avoid me at all costs. At times I would find women to chat with over the
internet, but as soon as I told them I was in a wheelchair they would break off all
contact with me. It's like they think I'm contagious or something. Because of this,
I've never had a girlfriend before. I've also never had sex.
I've never even kissed a woman before. What should I do? Hello George,
Thank you for your question.
Do you wait for me to get pity on you and to give you a ready receipt? As you write you
are 29 and you have been in a wheelchair since 2000. It means, that before till your 24
years old you were active and able-bodied. I do not insist that sex should be from teenager
age in the man's life, It is the question of taste, up bringing and morale. But I want to
ask you this question: what had you been doing before your 24 years old? What were you
doing at the age of 18, 20 or 22?
When all the buys fall in love, kiss, enjoy life?
I will give you advice not as a psychologist, but as a man to a man. Stop pitying
yourself. Otherwise you will be worthy only of pity. Do you want it? Do you want
to find a girl who will kiss you and will make sex with you only for pity sake?
Do you really want it and will be satisfied with it? I do not believe it!
The strength of a man is not in the strength of his body, but in the strength
of his spirit. There are lots of exampls confirming it. Your head, at least,
works all right.
And this is the main "male saxual part". Take yourself and stop whining!
Then a woman will come to your life, a woman who won't avoid you, but who will
sincerely love you as a strong man and your wheelchair won't be a obstacle for her.
Dr. Ivanov Back to top
Dear Dr. Ivanov, 'On the Chemistry compatibility report' page it is shown that i am more
pesimistic than optimistic. This is kind of strange as i am condsidered by my friends as being quite optimistic.
I do not like to be seen an a pesimist. Any suggestions? Dear, I have read Your remarks regarding the functioning of the program and
I have to consider them to be absolutely right. Your case is really rare, when the meaning of the ?pessimism ? optimism? scale is very
close to the average one. It corresponds to the exact real estimate of the situation. That?s why in Your friends? eyes, whom You trust,
You look like a cheerful and optimistic person, but communicating with unknown people You are capable to show reasonable caution.
There are only two variants of the interpretation according to this scale in the program, which are chosen even by minor deviation
from the average value.
Up to the present we didn?t have such problems, because these features of the majority of people are presented more unambiguously.
Now I see, that we need to insert into the program at least another one gradation, corresponding to the average value. Nevertheless
You shouldn?t worry about the exactness of the compatibility?s estimation done by the program. The estimation of the compatibility
is based not on the textual interpretations, the number of which is limited, but on the 32 analogous scales, the meanings of which
are accepted by the program to a high degree of accuracy within 0,01. Thank You for Your remarks. Such remarks help me constantly
perfect the program and improve trustworthiness of the interpretations. Back to top
Is there any idea about how to attract girls... I'm asked this question not for the first time,
and every time I'm asked, it's difficult to answer this question unambiguously. I should say a trivial phrase:
all women are different. Some women are inspired by a man, who can be admired; other women are inspired by a
man, who admires them. Some women prefer a man, who behaves like a leader; others prefer one, who can be
easily controlled. They fell calm and safe this way. There are women, who can be interested only in sex,
but there are those, whose main interest is money. That's why some safe seduction tricks suitable for
one woman, will be completely useless for another.
Nevertheless I will try to give you an answer. A faultless way to attract a person regardless person's sex and
age is to offer him or her, what he/she wants to get most of all. Listen to a woman attentively, read her
letters and profile between the lines, look through, if it's possible, her results of the test and you will
easily understand, what she is waiting for us, men to offer her. And then go, act! Or find another woman,
if it is not to your liking. There is no other way. Back to top
I like sex but i dont have time to do it i think sex evrey time what can i do To love sex, to want sex,
to think about sex is normal for every healthy man. But I can't believe that you don't have time for sex.
Nobody asks you to do sex 24 hours a day. You can always find time for sleeping, food, rest and other necessary for you things!
May be the problem is not that you don't have time for sex, but that you don't want to give up time for acquaintances,
courting, communication with women, and you try to do everything at once, in a businesslike manner, quickly, don't you?
As a man I can hardly imagine a woman, who will agree to do sex for five minutes with an unknown man. Of course if sex-services are not her job.
Sex is not just a satisfaction of biological needs. These are the moments of higher proximity and intimacy with a woman.
And intimacy does not arise at once out of nothing.
Try to understand and to feel a woman before you offer her sex.
I can assure you, you will find deep satisfaction. When these relations become comfortable and significant to you,
you will not regard them as useless supplement to sex and waste of time. Consequently you will find time for that.
Then there will be no problems with the lack of sex. Back to top
Are many CIS women aged 18-26 religious (Bible reading, church going)? More than 70 years a church in Russia was
out of the law and off the government. In spite of the fact that the soviet constitution formally recognized religious freedom, any
demonstration of the religiousness was in every possible way persecuted. After the soviet system fell down less than twenty years
passed. It's too little for religion to become again a natural part of people's life and world view. So, at the present moment
the major part of people, who keep zealously all religious ceremonials, are either liars and hypocrites, or losers trying to
hide their living passivity behind the religion. It doesn't have anything in common with the real religiousness.
Nevertheless it doesn't mean that there is a total lack of spiritual life in Russia.
The way to God lies not only through the church and the Bible. There is God inside all of us.
I would recommend you not to be too critical about keeping religious traditions by a Russian woman you like.
When there is a beloved man near her, really faithful, not formally keeping church ceremonials, all these
disagreements will be resolved automatically. Back to top
What culture differences can you see harming a relationship between someone from australia and someone from russia? I don't think there are any cultural barriers that would make life hard for a lady from Russia to settle into a life in Australia.
Being comfortable with a country's culture largely depends on the people on is in contact with. If the man (assuming its a man asking)
has a personality that allows him to enjoy a certain type of life like sports and going out, then obviously a lady from Russia who
likes to spend time at home is not going to enjoy his idea of the Australian culture.
I would go out on a limb to say that tThere isn't really a culture in Australia in the sense it is used in Europe.
Culture is how people spend their free time and how they behave towards each other, and Australians can't be generalized in either
sense just like people of any other country. There is more a way of life which is supposed to be stereotyped as parties and beer and
sports and the beach, but this is of course untrue. Culture of Sydney is different to that of Melbourne and both are different to small
country towns. Men in the country like to drink beer, but usually because it is hot. Guys in the cities like the beach, but only because
it is close to home.
An Australian who is well educated is just as well educated as somone from Russia although he will obviously not have same frame of
reference as somone from Russia and may spend some fun time playing the "do you know" game.
In the end Australian way of life is shaped largely by the Anglo Saxon culture of England, but Australians are far more relaxed.
A major issue for a lady from Russia may be in how Australian women dress, but again, the standard of dress in Melbourne
is very European, so it depends on the man and the location. Greg Chalik, the director of Australian operation,
As I see it, Australian and Russian people are rather similar in culture. I have some couples - Australian men and Russian women
- who married and live happily and I have not seen any cultures barriers that slightly exist in the marriage of Italian men and
Russian women but strongly in , for example, Asian-Russian marriage (men from Japan, women from Russia). In fact, there are not
many marriages between them at present as I see it.
One reason is that not many men from Australia are active on the sites. They are rather active in ICQ or Yahoo Messenger,
they want quick communication ,but they are not always ready for some long communication and so do not go often on the sites.
On the other hand, women are very interested in Australian men (they often pay more attention to their appearance, to their photos
, so it is usually a pleasure to read their profile, it is usually something where they put the heart into and so it is usually seen.
Russian women think that Australian men are very handsome, often clever, easy to deal with and close to us in many things. On
the other hand, there are many rumors that it is a problem for a woman to marry to a man from Australia, they say that it
takes a lot of time and maybe impossible. Though it does not stop women from answering all Australian men's letters, they seem
like princes, charming and intelligent.
The third thing is that many Australian men are cautious to marry a woman from FSU, because of rumors in Australia about insincerity
of some Russian women. That's where we can help. Our unique test Psychology Interpreter allows us to guarantee to the men sincerity
and honesty of women they have contact with. It has some parameters where such uncatchable thing as conscience is evaluated. When it
is high I know for sure that this woman will never stooop to dishosty, she will never do something against her man, she will support
and be loyal to him at any cost. Irina Grebneva the director of Russian operation. Back to top
